subscribe thank you Wen-M

so many changes; so many things
subscriber thank you "Wen-M"

alone in my room. light from computer and halogen heater.
i graduated from my language school last thrusday.
i moved to somewhere close to shijuku so i can go to my new school easily.
lots of changes, lots of problems.. ironna koto ni deatte.
lights go off, new lights from somewhere i never seen lits up.
the current pushed me with the flow
departing from a train station in the middle of the night...
get lost.
only me and my reflection from the passenger window.
the train is quiet i can see only few passenger.
tired faces.
the end of the day, on the way to a new station.
to a new destination, tired faces.
the train moves on.
got lost.
looking out side we are cutting tru remoted area.
i can hear silence.
i can hear the breeze outside.
half fear of the dark
i got lost
half conscious
trying to stay alert learning the place with no idea at all.
ki ga tsuita toki, jibun no me wo miteita.
____________________

lots of notes come asking about how to make animation.
please refer to my old journal entries. i wrote them in details there

feedback about parry hotter animation, thank you very much.
you view both of the animations on youtube.com
some folks uploaded them on the site and they just noted me.
thank you very much again.
so visit>> youtube.com and search under the keyword "parry hotter"
should come out.

questions about tool of trade.
i dont know what to do about commission. it seems i tried to start
getting on with it so many times but i just failed.
it's self decipline i guess. forgive me.

next animation project.
im starting to animate again. the next one might not be parry hotter 3 haha.
but it might happen in the future only if HP movie or book attack me again!?! i got easily impressed haha. i like HP it makes me feel relax watching it, reading it. like i can forget worries and dont have to think much just get lost in the novel or the movie screen swollowed by the beauty of the scene.

my new fav now is samurai champloo. man the voicing so cute!
it's my new aim to get myself to work in Manglobe.. perhaps.. it's just a thought for now.
i watched Zetsuai/ bronze yesterday and finally watched all Ai no kusabi. yeah i love Zetsuai and still feel i not having enough of the animation. it's a lovely animation really reminds me of how i had fallen in love with drawing so much. dashing cool geek charming. feel like new modern animations i watch these days couldnt make me feel that dokidoki anymore. first i thought coz i grow older so i dont feel that overwhelm anymore.. but yesterday proven me thought wrong. i can still have that feeling. it's the animation that put that good spell on me.

it's like having a new life a new journey since by the end of this month i will be entering this animation school. im all excited and also aware of my own pace. i has been watching anime a lot these few days since i grad from my japanese lang schooling.
i was amazed i can feel the laziness that much inside me. easily say to myself hell yeah i will be a good animator animate my own animation someday and now im sitting watching they animate dancing dried leaf i was just like oh hell will i sit with all the patience in the world and animate each dancing leaf with passion? haha do i have that much love? i even feel lazy to draw something like motorbike and if i have to animate a bike racing scene for my cooley character... haha how about crown of ppl walking in train station? dogs and cats. fish swimming
who knows may be i will find myself doing it this coming few months. or may be not. at all. it's not all worse coz i grad from an animation school from thailand and animated really really short act clips that reminds me i ever put effort into making animation more than a month long labor or else i'll freak out more haunting myself on this. having no confidence knowing im going to go to anime school within next two weeks. animate fish! dancing leaf! bouncing basketball. wasting all money and time in japan

but i thx my parents for buying me this chance. tho i dont know what's going to happen after i grad from this school. will i do my own anime or i ended up hopeless. i know im lucky to be here.

i belief we who wants to take this art things seriously feel kindda fear. i mean not all. but i myself do feel this fear.
we want to be successful in our own way
we want to make it go smoothly and nice.
i was not born with that attitude of watch me im going to be an artist it's like a dream i nver ever dreamt of working on it as a profession.
but since i grad from highschool i chose this road.
to make a living on my hobby.
what now? another diary like journal entry.

worries and fear that i cant share it with ppl close to me coz i dont want to make them worry too much. still i need to speak out. and i just did it.
thx.
all the best for you guys,
rans